I’ve been trying for days to think of how to put this into words. God finally gave me the words to say tonight.
First, let me say that I am extremely grateful for the outpouring of prayers for me and my family. Words can’t describe how much I appreciate each and every one of you that are sending up prayers on our behalf.
Second, I want to thank each and every one of you for the kind words about our faith and strength. Please don’t think that this is something great about us, it is 100% from God, God is the one that has given us the faith and strength to fight this battle. There is no way we could do this on our own, God has given use exactly what we need during this time, it’s not something we’ve done; it’s purely a gift from Him. If you find inspiration in something you hear from me, please be sure to thank God for that inspiration, it’s nothing I’ve done; it’s a blessing from God, not from me.
Third, I want to explain my position on this cancer diagnosis. After reading this, some of you will probably think I’m crazy. Hopefully, most of you will see how God is working in my life and I hope and pray that it will encourage each and every one of you to get even closer to God than you are right now.
OK, here’s my view point on being diagnosed with cancer. God has an important task He needs completed. He wants His name lifted up during times of trouble; He wants His name praised when someone is in a valley: He wants people to look to Him when they don’t know what to do. So, God needs these tasks completed and guess what…He looked down and chose ME…ME to complete this important task that He wants done! I feel SO unworthy of this job God has given me. I’m weak, I’m not educated much in scripture, I feel like I fail the Lord daily, but for some reason he counted me WORTHY to carry out this task for him. Wow, what an awesome responsibility God has given me, I feel so unworthy! In business, if you have a big sale you want to make, you grab your best guy to go make that sale. I feel like I’m the lowest one God could have picked but yet he chose me anyway. Essentially, I feel like the new guy that just started a job, and I got to go on the biggest sales call in company history. I feel so honored that God has chosen ME for this job!
After I told about my calling to preach on Mother’s Day, 2009 I started praying for God to use me. At times, I would beg God “please, use me for your honor and glory, however you see fit”. After praying for that for so long I truly feel like God has answered my prayer with the biggest answer He could give me, He has said “here ya go, I’m going to use you for this task”! Otherwise, God would not have given me the peace and comfort about this cancer diagnosis. God has given me the exact tools I need to fight this battle and He’s also given me the exact tools I need to make sure He gets the honor and glory out of this situation! God is not going to put me on the battlefield and not equip me with the weapons needed to fight this battle.
Someone asked me the other day if I was scared of anything during this battle. To be honest, I’m a big wimp; I don’t like pain at all. I fear all the needle sticks, the possible surgery, etc… I also dread thinking about what my family is going to go through. I hate the thought of them being sad while watching me go through treatments, surgery, etc… I can almost make myself sick thinking about what this is going to do to them. But…the biggest thing I fear…is that I will fail God during this job he has given me. He’s going to allow me to cross paths with people I would have never met if I wasn’t on this journey. Someone, somewhere along this journey needs to hear about God. Someone, somewhere along this journey needs to turn to God…or maybe, turn BACK to God. I don’t know that I will ever know the answer or see the results of this job God has given me, but He has given me this awesomely important job to do and I DO NOT WANT TO FAIL HIM!!!!! Just imagine, you are the low guy on the totem pole at work. Your boss comes to you and says that he wants you to go make this sale that is really important to the company. Think of how much you would dread failing your boss and letting him down. That’s exactly how I feel about this job God has given me…I know it’s important and I do not want to fail God when he has given me such an important task!
Please please please don’t think I am bragging and thinking that I’m the best out there. I promise you, I think of myself as one of the weakest preachers and one of the weakest Christians God ever created. That is why I feel so unworthy of being called to do this job for God. I just can’t see this as a sad situation that is going to make me have a pity party for myself. I’d be lying if I said there won’t be some down days…I’ve had a few already. I didn’t WANT cancer, but if God wants to use my body to bring people closer to Him then GLORY HALLELUJAH THANK YOU LORD FOR USING ME! !!!!!!!
God has given me every single tool I need to fight this battle. He has called me to preach, he has taken our faith to new heights this year with Tyler’s adoption (a whole other story), and he has given me peace and understanding about what is going on and what is going to happen during this battle. In the 2 years I’ve been preaching, I’ve only preached in churches. I’ve been wondering if I would ever be able to preach in a hospital or treatment facility if God required it of me. Friday, I got a call from a preacher who wanted me to go to the radio station and preach Sunday morning. I had never thought about doing that but God led me to take that appointment. God blessed that effort, He helped me to preach that morning, and God put people in my path who said they were blessed by the message that God provided me. It wasn’t until tonight that I realized God put me in that radio station Sunday morning to prove to me that I can preach whenever HE sees fit to preach me. Since He revealed that to me tonight, I’ve not had one single doubt that if God requires me to preach to someone while lying in a hospital bed, and if He gives me the lead to do so, I might get the honor of preaching to someone who has never heard the Gospel preached before! Remember Romans 10, verse 14 - 15… “How then shall they call on him in whom they have not believed? and how shall they believe in him of whom they have not heard? and how shall they hear without a preacher? And how shall they preach, except they be sent (truncated)”.
Think about it…God has given me this awesome job, He has called me to preach, He has strengthened my faith, and He has given me peace about this battle. What more could I ask for? God is pouring out His blessings on me just as much now as He was before I was diagnosed with cancer! He’s given me everything I need to complete this awesome job he has given me, WHAT ON EARTH DO I HAVE TO BE SAD ABOUT????
If you look at my life you can easily see all the things God has blessed me with; A loving family, two beautiful, healthy children, a church family that I can’t wait to be around every Sunday, a job that I love, and a house that I love. As I stand and praise God during my “pre cancer” days, it might be easy for someone to look at me and say “sure he’s going to praise God, look at everything he’s got”. Now, as I stand in the midst of this battle or valley as some would call it, He’s allowing me to continue to praise His name. If someone overlooked me praising God in the past because He had blessed me so much, I hope that same person can look at me now and realize that even in times of trouble, God is still worthy of praise! I get the honor of bringing that message to everyone I meet during this battle. THAT is what I’m not worthy of and THAT is why I don’t want to fail God during this time.
Regardless of the outcome, the victory is His and He will get the honor and glory out of this situation. If it helps even 1 person, then it will be worth it all because He got the honor and glory out of it. No doubt, just like with Job in the Old Testament, I’m sure the devil was expecting me to turn my back on God, curse him, and go hide in a corner somewhere. Not only is the devil wrong about me, but what if 1 or 10 or 100 or even 1,000 people get closer to God because of this job He has given me? Think of the impact and the damage that would do to the devil and think of the honor that God would get out of that!!!! Again, don’t think that I’m looking to turn this into something great for me, I’m looking to fight this battle just like God wants me to and praise him name the whole way through!
I can’t thank each and every one of you enough for the prayers. I’m a little overwhelmed by the number of people praying for me and my family. I get very sad when thinking of how many people are battling this same disease (or any disease for that matter) and they don’t know the God that has so richly blessed me my entire life. I just can’t image fighting this fight and not having the comfort and peace that I’ve been blessed with. Please, as you say a prayer for me and my family remember those people who are lost and do not know the awesome God that I serve. I know that regardless of how this turns out, I’m a winner either way. There are so many that are in this same fight and they don’t have that heavenly home to look forward to like I do. I do not want this battle to take my life but none of us knows when God will call us home. But I do know that whenever my time comes, maybe today, maybe next year, maybe 70 years from now…I’ve got a better place to go. There are so many that don’t know where they will spend eternity and if this battle helps one of those people find salvation, then it will be worth it all! Please remember to pray for those that have not been saved and don’t know God, please pray for my family, and please pray for me.
Thank you Lord, for your blessings on me!
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